Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
