mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
