I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
