idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
