You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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