definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
