I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am spending my child support on dildos
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
