R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
