dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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