took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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