I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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