this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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