I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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