I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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