dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
