I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
