I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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