My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
