I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
