So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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