so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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