We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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