I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
