please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
