last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
