also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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