I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
