and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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