please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
