I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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