fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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