Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
false alarm, still single
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
