Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
