I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
