This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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