I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
