hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
