i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
