Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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