If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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