I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Randomize
