So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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