I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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