Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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