Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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