Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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