dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
