party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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