The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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