he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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