I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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