i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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