i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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