You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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