i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
