good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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