help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
