just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
