Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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