So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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