Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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