i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
