I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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