fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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