So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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