my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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