party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
