lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
