chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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