do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
