first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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