you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
