Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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