It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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