When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
