idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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