I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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