i jhust puked up my retainher.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
