I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What did we do last night that was yellow?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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